The Stages of Grief After a Miscarriage.

Heather Michelle, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Jun 27, 2007 

When a woman experiences I miscarriage, she is subjected to the same stages of grief that is associated with the death of a loved one. While different psychologists agree and disagree on these stages of grief, there are many common elements that everyone will experience, including a woman who has had a miscarriage. I went through these stages.

I was ten weeks pregnant when I was told I was going to miscarry. I went straight into denial. This is always considered the first stage of grief. Some call it denial and others call it disbelief. Either way, a woman will not believe it is really happening. She will hold out hope until the miscarriage is over. I refused any intervention and waited for my miscarriage to happen naturally, because I was in denial. It took two weeks before my miscarriage. I held onto my hope the entire time.

Anger is another stage of grief. Not everyone believes that this is always going to occur. When a woman experiences a miscarriage, she gets angry. She gets angry with herself thinking about things she could have done better during her pregnancy. She gets angry with nobody in particular, because she wants to know why this happened to her and her baby!

Another stage of grief is plea-bargaining. Everyone has done it at some point. Asking for one thing and promising another in return. While this may not occur after a miscarriage, women who have been in the same position I was are likely to experience this. She will beg for the life of her baby in exchange for something else. I did this.

The stage of grief that most people are familiar with is the stage known as depression. This is when the reality of the situation truly sinks in. Every woman will experience this after a miscarriage. She will think of the child that "could have been."

Finally, there is acceptance. We cannot grieve forever. Life must continue. This will happen eventually. It is different for every woman and depends a lot on how far along she was when the miscarriage took place. It is important to realize that every woman will experience the different stages of grief much differently. Some will skip a stage entirely. The length of each stage is never predictable. It is something a woman must

deal with before she is able to reach acceptance. It is vital that the people in her life allow for these stages of grief to occur. Too many people dismiss the feelings of a woman who has miscarried. They feel it is not comparable to losing a loved one.

It is comparable. While the child may have never breathed on his or her own, the mother will have already formed a bond. She will have considered names for her baby. She will have pictured what he or she would look like. She probably even bought things for the baby. 

She developed a relationship and her grief is valid.