How much had time passed since your loss?

 

Q:

How much time has passed since your angel grew their wings?

Do you find it easier to cope as more time has passed?

How much had time passed since your loss when it seemed a little easier?

When is the hardest and easiest time to cope for you?

Ch. M.: 8 years. It is easier than day one, but it seems I'm the only one who remembers.
As more time passes I don't understand how people can abuse their children, or put them in harms way and they still get their kids. Life isn't fair.

K. C.: 9.5 years and no its not easier whoever said it would be LIED! Some days its like it just happened and other like its been forever.

K. M. N.: 13 months and honestly it hurts just as much.

T. O. P.: It's been 17 years since my 1st miscarriage and 15 years since my 2nd miscarriage. But for me, they were blessings in disguise. I wasn't near ready...especially with my 1st one, as I was a 16 year I'd child.

D.: Nearly 8 months first angel 6 weeks second angel for me by 6 months found easier to cope with first angel never forget second Angel healing has come quicker than expected but going to counseling to deal with issues due date always hard as you wonder.

C. L. F.: 3 weeks 2 days my baby boy fell asleep and its been so hard if it wasn’t for my 2 year old and 9 year old I would of cracked up I miss him so much. I woke at 3.50 to feed him and he was not breathing it hurts so much.

K.A. S. – W.: It has been almost 9 yrs for my first one and 6yrs for my second, the pain doesn't go away but you do get stronger in time. Every one is different. I know I still think about my three angels all the time, but I get thru the day knowing that I will see my angels soon some day.

T. B.: My first miscarriage was at 19, 3 yrs ago I had my son Aug. 10, 2011, I had my 2nd miscarriage Dec of last year it was really painful physically and mentally it was only a few months after my son was born my 3rd miscarriage was a few months ago my doc says if I have another I need to have tests done my body may not be able to carry another child my son is my miracle baby I cherish every laugh step breath that he breaths!

L. W.: It will be 11 years January 18th and he would be 12 January 26th. Idk that it gets easier so much as you get used to the pain and loss and you adjust to it. Chantal Morris, I know exactly how you feel.

J. S.: It has been a year and a half since my son has died. I have found it much easier to cope since time has went on. The sky has went from a gray back to blue, my tears have become smiles, and I have finally regained hope again. It took a long time, but I realized that I had to be strong and be the best mother I can be to my 3 year old daughter. My son was two months old when he died and my daughter talks about him all the time, sleeps with his blanket, and draws pictures of him. The hardest time is his birthday and death date. I think of him all the time.

J. S. S.: 14 weeks today since my little ones heart stopped beating at 38 weeks 3 days. It has started to get easier to cope with. I have 5 other children who need me to be here for them. I miss her everyday but God has extended His grace. That is the only way I am getting through this.

T. D. W. C.: It has been this Dec will be 2 years the pain never goes away.

T. B.: My son would have been 17 years old this past August 5th. He was born sleeping at 41 weeks. And I miss him every day, but I know he is always with me in my heart.

A. V.: It was 3 years October 21st. I wouldn't say it gets easier. I would say you get numb and you learn how to turn thoughts off so you don't burst into tears and a moments notice.

T. Mc A. O.: My due date is coming up on the 29th Oct but I lost my angel in March, so wish Oct was over, even when I’m writing this the tears are flowing.

D. G.: It has been 9 yrs since my first loss and almost 8 yrs since my last. Time does not heal all pain. And I agree with April you get numb and learn how to turn thoughts off.

J. D.: It doesn't go away. You learn how to cope & who can handle you with compassion & love & who you can freely open up to when you’re having a bad day. I say that because for me loss is something I've been too familiar with all of my life starting at 15 months of age. The thing that helps me the most is knowing 4 important people of my life that I never really got to know in this life, someday I will in heaven.

S. C.: My little baby girl Bethany was born asleep at 39+5 weeks. The pain of losing her will never go away.

A. G. M. N.: It will be 12 yrs on Dec. 18th. You never forget no matter how much time has passed.

S. H.: 19 years and it really doesn’t seem to get any easier.

S.: It has been over 3 years since my first loss, over a year for my second loss and its 5 days short of being 5 months since my third loss! I don't think time really helps with coping!! I just feel and think time makes it easier to hide the pain!!! RIP to all our little angels looking down on us!!

K. G.: It will be 6 months on Sunday since my little girl was stillborn. I think it’s been harder for me because we share a birthday. To be honest, it has really started to hit me hard this month, I think it’s due to the fact I feel I am missing all her 1sts and my only child.

The survey by 

Miscarriage, Stillbirth, SIDS Support Group

http://www.facebook.com/forever.angelbabies

Psychological Aspects of Infertility

reviewed by Tatiana A. ROMANOVA

   Which age is considered ideal for having the first child?

Being unable to conceive and give birth to a child has long been recognized as a very disturbing situation for the estimated 1 : 6 couples involved. Our society is generally seen as one that places a high value on couples bearing children and consequently may be less than supportive to those who cannot fulfill this expectation (Jim Monach).

Regarding the age when ideally the first child should be born, two trends were found in the sample of those who have remained childless so far (the data were collected in Germany): 38% of all respondents articulated the wish to have their first child between the ages of 25–29 years. Another 38% wanted to fulfill their wish of having a child between the ages of 30 and 35 years; the first child was desired at a mean age of 29.9 years. With increasing age, the ideal age for the first gravidity also increased. Respondents up to 20 years of age therefore preferred to have their first child by the age of 26 years. Respondents between 21 and 30 years dated their ideal age when having the first child at 29 years. Finally, respondents between 31 and 40 years dated the ideal time of birth of their first child at 36 years of age. Compared to the women, the men articulated a higher age.East Germans preferred to have their first child at a younger age than West Germans; this was particularly the case for East Germans in the age group up to 20 years (ideal age for having their first child at 25.6 years) (Yve Stobel-Richter, Manfred E. Beutel, Carolyn Finck, Elmar Brahler, 2005).

In Japan the first child is desired averagely at age of 30 years and as for German, the results are depends of gender and current age of respondents. As for women in 20 years old her planed age to have the first child between 25 – 30 years. Female respondent in age 21 – 30 years old would like to have their first child at 29 – 30 years old. In age between 31 – 40 years old women’s ideal age to have first child is about 35 – 36 years old. Respondent after 40 years old desire to get their first child as soon as possible. Male respondent 20 years old desire to have their first child at 30 years. Respondents in age between 25 – 30 years old want to get first child at their 33 – 35 years old. Men in 31 – 40 years old would like to have first child at 35 – 36 years old, the same as women in Japan. But men after 40 years old and older usually abandon the idea to have child at all (by Takeuchi M.).

   What is the importance of having a child compared to other life values?

When asked to rate the importance of major areas of life, health (1) was given the highest priority, followed by income and financial security (2), work (3), partnership and sexuality and living conditions (4). Family life/children were rated at the sixth (6) rank, followed by friends and leisure time activities (5). Having children was more important for women than for men and for the older versus younger age groups. East German women rated ‘having children’ as most important, and West German men rated it as least important. (Yve Stobel-Richter, Manfred E. Beutel, Carolyn Finck, Elmar Brahler, 2005).
 

  What condition should be considered as infertility?

 

Most experts define infertility as not being able to get pregnant after at least one year of trying. Women who are able to get pregnant but then have recurrent miscarriages are also said to be infertile. The infertility definition made a difference. The World Health Organization definition based on 24 months of trying to get pregnant is recommended as the definition that is useful in clinical practice and research among different disciplines (Prasanta Kumar Deka, Swarnali Sarma, 2010).Infertility is defined as the inability of a couple to achieve a pregnancy despite unprotected intercourse for a period longer than 12 months. However, after the age of 35 years, impaired fecundity is well documented and an infertility workup is suggested after 6 months. For most couples having regular unprotected intercourse, the chance of getting pregnant during any given month is 25%. After 3 months of repeated attempts, about 60% of couples conceive. By the end of 1 year, about 85% of couples will conceive. Statistically, 8 to 15% of all couples are infertile (Reed, Susan A., 2001).

  Magnitude of the Problem

It is a growing problem and across virtually all cultures and societies almost all over the World and affects an estimated 10%-15% of couples of reproductive age. In recent years, the number of couples seeking treatment for infertility has dramatically increased due to factors such as postponement of childbearing in women, development of newer and more successful techniques for infertility treatment, and increasing awareness of available services. This increasing participation in fertility treatment has raised awareness and inspired investigation into the psychological ramifications of infertility. Researchers have looked into the psychological impact of infertility per se and of the prolonged exposure to intrusive infertility treatments on mood and well-being (Prasanta Kumar Deka, Swarnali Sarma, 2010).

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